The day will come when you realise
the code hidden in my hands. I’m fearful.
I wonder if you have already noticed.
I message you a secret love letter every time.
I hope you are reassured that you can stay here.
I hope when I wake, you will be present in the morning.
I hope I can keep looking into your soul through those eyes.
I hope to forehead kiss more and massage your mind back to stability.
I want to press out the darkness that surrounds you when you are ready to walk away from it.
I am sorry that I generate so much body heat and that I get sweaty from time to time.
You have told me a few times its gross to you. I dehydrate (detox) myself (healthily) more to decrease my water weight so I am not disgusting.
There are some things about me that I am still insecure about.
• My weight (stomach)
• My sweat
• My nipples (if we being honest lol can’t stop now since this book is my honest to God truth).
• My belly button because I was stabbed there. I don’t like it when you poke me there. Its triggering.
• I’ve been a victim of being bullied, raped, molested, betrayed, set up, cheated on, mentally/emotionally/and physically abused so long that I don’t know where the pinpoint date is. My sanity, mental, and health has been permanently altered. Manipulated and told that I am the problem or that I am bugging and disrespected during conversations (because phones or other people are more important than talking things out and focusing on us).
• It’s rare for someone to take the time to commit me to memory. I had people lie to me about talking to other people and seeing other people all because the games they wanted to play not knowing that I already knew the truth but wanted to see if they would be transparent with me like I am with them. I am not a fan of open relationships and casually dating when we say we will work things out. I tire of one-sided things.
• I have had people lie on my character and integrity just to make themselves look better for the sake of others approval and to allow them to keep running from the truth because they don’t want to be accountable to what they have done/ are (all these things even from you too Amora).
When I tend to you and this world we are building, Sometimes I wonder if you can feel what I have been through.
If you noticed what I allowed myself to heal from so I can be whole.
