Loss. A word that ripples through so many people’s lives. At so many stages. Sometimes with a warning or no warning at all. We then have to find a way not only through life as we would but a way to live without them.
On the 4th of November 2014, my Mum died. Through different circumstances out of my hands & different paths taken. I had no last conversation. No way to say a proper goodbye. No way to say “I love you” one last time.
Everyone will experience loss in their own way. I can only say from what’s happened to me & how that’s left me feeling.
Understandably, my experience won’t be someone else’s.
Since the passing of my Mum, I like so many of us go through loss again which of course each time is just as heartbreaking as any time but still I felt very different. That could be because of the situation surrounding it, the relationship to that person & just general emotions & feelings about all that’s going on.
I’ve been there when friends of the family have lost someone & it’s completely shattered their world. In those moments, you just want them to know your presence & that you are there. Even if you have no words to say. You are still right there for them whatever they may need.
Over time with different experiences with loss. Even more so in the last couple of years & very recently. There is that feeling of despair & raw emotion but more so my heart instantly just thought of other family members. How they must be feeling? How are they coping? Whether in those moments surrounding that grief.
I may have shielded my own a little.
In a difference from when I learned of my Mum’s passing. A combination of all that had been from my childhood to now brought to that very moment, to be told she was gone, I was stunned & heartbroken.
As much as my whole heart was also with my family. It was equally in pieces.
It’s like the world stopped just for those moments. A feeling that can’t be pinpointed or properly described. An out-of-body experience even that someone who has been through the same as you can’t fully understand. Something you would never wish on another soul but a thing we all go through & face in our lifetime.
My thoughts & heart are with those near & far who have gone through loss, who are still grieving, or who are going through it as we speak.
It is true what they say, losing those we love no matter what way it happens. It never gets easy. The pain never goes away. No matter how long it’s been. You just have to find a way through it & be grateful & thankful for every single day.
We all have our own families, stories & experiences with loss. From me to you.
I truly hope you know how strong you are & how proud you should be of yourself.
This life can be difficult at times.
But somehow we fight on.
** All words here are me speaking of my own personal experiences & my own feelings **
Catherine Jackson
