From the last four days, my heart is in pain. I don’t know why actually but somewhere somehow it feels like a personal loss. A man who dared to dream and was passionately curious about many other things than just acting and who became an idol for many strugglers who try to get some space in the industry. I can’t stop thinking about him, not exactly because I lost someone whom I met but definitely a part of what inspired me is missing now and so I decided to pen down my thoughts.
His reel life has made me his huge fan as much as his acts in real life. His acting and dance sure were enough to make me a fan but I became a huge fan of him the day I got to know the way he struggled to make it big even after securing a career in engineering, and have been a keen follower after I saw his bucket list. Watching his interviews will let you know he was different from others, his intellect level, his ideas, and how he used to talk futuristic.
Suicide is not a 10-second step that one day you are not feeling right, you get up and end everything.
It’s definitely a cumulative process of months and sometimes years. I can’t even get anywhere near to imagining the huge amount of unbearable pain he must be going through which made him feel ending his life was a better option than living.
He sure was a different human being, unlike others who can live with their failures accept them, and do nothing. For him, everything was always a goal to achieve, his journey from cracking AIEEE to start preparing for civil services and then to follow his passion for dancing and performing arts. He aced everything and got into TV, although having achieved almost everything he dreamt of (his own house, his own car), still something was missing for him, why? Because he was no ordinary person to be satisfied with monetary or materialistic happiness which he once thought of what success looks like.
I believe for him the threshold was higher than many of us who could even be contemptuous with the amount of money and recognition that he had achieved. He wanted something more now, bigger goals in want of that happiness and excitement (watch his speech at IIT Bombay where he beautifully explains what success really meant to him), and for all of you who have watched it, it was a circle of excitement + now and he moved on to Bollywood, but little did he know he was about to enter a world which would need enormous struggle and strength to survive and still not make him happy somehow.
He started with a bang and continued to deliver brilliant movies only with better performance in the next one. He came and he conquered, but something happened which started dangling his definition of happiness.
For him, acting did not remain the only passion but he made a bucket list to follow his other dreams. Now, I can’t guess what happened with him but something that many recognized artists are now pointing out obviously can’t be wrong since it’s a similar practice across most of the industries.
Although every industry can be cruel to you at times when you are trying hard to achieve success and you do not have a big shot by your side but his suicide has opened up the loose ends in Bollywood in front of us and I sure from now on am going to see Bollywood from a different perspective. Politics and Bollywood are two major industries where people play a major role in deciding the future. Do they really? What do we do? How can we contribute? I really don’t know the most effective way to prove the statement right or answer these questions.
Having said that, if I talk about myself, I am a big fan of watching movies in theatre and I actually live with the characters for those 3 hours in theatre.
I used to watch almost every other movie in theatre but I guess from now I am going to be responsible enough to think before going to theatres. What am I going to watch? Am I going to live the character of someone who is talented and worthy enough to perform on that big screen? Surely the amount of struggle varies from person to person, but have they proved that they are not wasting that opportunity. The parameters to gauge this may be different for everyone but I am sure the outcome will be similar. This will definitely not change anything about how it works but I will be at peace knowing I did something right.
To me, Sushant will always be a guy with such an endearing, magical and charming smile that could win hearts in seconds.
A down to earth fabulous actor with a golden heart and full of passion ready to achieve his next goal with hard work.
P.S.: I might have faced a similar time of difficulty in my life where it felt easier not to continue further and this might be the reason apart from my high EQ (emotional quotient) why I might relate to a small part of his unbearable painful battle with the mind.
Contributed by: Nikhil Jain (@gallivanter.diaries)
