Realizations. Consequences. Things that unravel because of a series of events are a bit like a domino effect. One little push & everything else comes down too.
What comes along with that should be some accountability. It’s not intended to be an easy ride. No one is perfect but as well as navigating your own feelings & emotions. It’s learning that others have theirs too.
We may deal with things in a different way from one another & which can be tough. Reactions can happen, and things can be said in the heat of the moment but apologies only go so far. Words can be said but sometimes never be taken back.
In my own experiences, especially throughout my childhood. Again this could relate to so many people. I took a lot on young shoulders, should we say. Not that there weren’t simpler happy times of course there were. I’ll always say that but it’s just those particular times that were mainly overshadowed by darkness & not so good situations to be part of or even to look back on now.
But whether it be filled with arguments, bringing up the past, or silly things that turn into much bigger things than what they needed to. It all if I’m honest stemmed from relationships with alcohol. It is not just being used in a social form but for some as a crutch or coping mechanism without actually getting to the root of the problem or admitting there is something more that’s wrong or could be going on.
Even though I visually grew up around that & seen what it has done to those I love. It never stops being heartbreaking. Conversations like these won’t ever be easy but they are so important. I’d also like to point out this is just from my point of view from things & certain behaviors I witnessed at a young age & growing up.
I feel lucky in a way as I was able to lean on the right people at the right time throughout my childhood, which allowed me not only to get out of my ongoing nightmare but put myself on a different path. For that & those that were there in those moments, I’ll forever be grateful, as I know for others may not get that helping hand or guiding light in times of need.
I know my story could have easily been so different as well. You hear of so many versions of people’s lives basically mirroring those of their parents or who they look up to as they have had that as an example. Did I have those teenage, young experiences with drinking & having a laugh with friends & staying out too late? Of course! But at no point was I ever allowing the alcohol to call the shots or overpower me. I’ve had a fair few bad hangovers but also many memories that haven’t included a single drop. My experiences with that have been very different which I’ll always be very thankful for. My path was destined for something more & maybe to be the one that has that sort of perspective from being through those difficult situations myself.
Those experiences & those special people that lent me a helping hand along the way are what strengthened me & allowed me to further cope & grieve in a way for what was to come.
I grew up too quickly, taking on responsibilities that weren’t might to have or worry about. You then at that young age try to navigate through adult issues & discussions. I will still give a moment for the happier times, the times spent with family in the photos I managed to hang on to but that’s the thing that we don’t initially put to the front of our mind. Simple things like old photos left in an album or a memory box. When really in the end that’s what’s left. Precious moments on film that replay in your mind.
In the end, as I gratefully head towards another birthday, another year making adult decisions based on my own life & journey & how I & my partner decide to live our life together. There is no “just me” anymore, for years there has always been an us & for that, I can’t feel luckier.
Back then when I was younger, there could have been a room full of people I was surrounded by but by bedtime, I knew what weight fell on my shoulders & not just what was happening in school the next day.
I take this thought with me each & every day probably carried that from a young age is what happens around me or in someone else’s life whether I know them or not & iif it’s personal or family related it will affect me of course but down to an individual person. Our actions are our own. Whatever path we choose is up to you.
Along the way, you may seek help or guidance if you’re struggling which is fine & what should always happen if you’re in need. But in reality & for a long time, I took it all on. When that never should be on me. As years passed & I grew I began to realize not only am I not you but just because of who you may be to me doesn’t mean it’s ok to act the way you are.
There isn’t a special get-out of the crap ticket or just think you will have it forgotten as that no longer works. None of us are near perfect, I’d be the first person to agree with that but damn no matter what it is or how hard it is BE ACCOUNTABLE!!! & as always never ever stop being YOU…
